I hear you brother, I hear you.
Seriously, I can relate to a reasonable amount of that. My anxiety has created my present agoraphobic condition and for the last four or five years I've been a virtual recluse and don't see any 'friends' bar the odd exception.
Of course it helps to define what we call a Friend. Many people might say they have hundreds or dozens of mates but really they only fall into the category of acquaintances. Facebook and MySpace are a good example of how people 'collect' friends these days. It's not a bad thing. I think any type of interaction or communication is good, but I think it's fair to say that most people only have one or two, what one might call, 'true friends'. The ones that will drop everything for you no matter what. Even so, relationships on any level are rarely easy, so please don't attempt to put all the pressure or blame on yourself - it's not being fair.
I'm also hoping to come along to one of these meet ups. It's the main reason I joined. The good weather and the need to mix again is getting very strong. I'm hoping to find people to 'hang out with' I suppose. Hopefully find people with shared interests to maybe go to a gig or just not have to go shopping alone. I don't mind my own company and have lots of interests to occupy my time but I know I should be making more effort.
Hopefully we can talk more about it in person sometime. Well, unless you turn out to be some sort of weirdo of course.
By the way my smart-arze remarks disguise a general lack of self-esteem, for beneath this jocular facade lurks a bubbling layer of true bonhomie. Sounds quite revolting actually.
Hope you feel better after your walk. I think we're all in a similar boat really. Don't be hard on yourself.
