I Did It!

[interloper]

Wow, I finally did it.

I walked out of the front door...and kept going. I made a trip to Portsmouth today, where I spent the afternoon looking around shops, followed by a drive along Southsea seafront. My mate was driving, I'm still sans car. That's my very first trip outside all year. Altogether, the first time in around 9 months or more!

It was really hot and sunny so that made everything a lot more pleasant and easy going. I wanted to buy some clothes but my mate's not really into shopping, and certainly not for clothes, so I tired of that quite quickly. Hey, I need a shopping buddy.

No panics during the course of the day and still feel ok now. I'll probably sleep well tonight though. I mean, one day every 9 months, the body can't that kind of pressure can it? I even managed to talk to a girl in HMV. She works there, does that count? Anyway, she didn't seem to register she was talking to a complete basket case, so It would seem that I can still pass for a 'normal' person, at least momentarily.

I documented part of the day. I think I shot around 200 or more photos, to prove to myself I did it, so might upload a few if they're not too boring.

I wonder if I'll get the taste for this now?

[WaveyDL]

Congratulations!

You'll be at a meeting in no time 

[Zteve]

Reading that has made me smile. Good stuff, well done.

[interloper]

Thanks guys. Still feel ok today too. No groggy after effects, surprisingly.

[zube]

blinkin eck!! you dont believe in doing things by halves.... kept going to portsmoth, well done you!. im more of a slow going bit by bit kind of girl myself. Im extremely impressed and no panic as well. you should keep the momentum up and give yourself a task every day to do.

keep up the good work

x

[interloper]

Thank you zube. 

Yes, momentum is the key I think. Even though I only spoke to one person it felt good and I wanted more of it. Not that girl necessarily, although she was quite cute, but the interaction. It was like being able to breathe again after a lifetime underground. Not far from the truth really.

I can appear to people that don't know me, or even some that do, as impetuous, or even glib, but there's little I haven't thought over dozens, or perhaps hundreds of times before I actually do it.

I take small steps in my mind. I think what I do is visualise situations, perhaps in a similar way that sports people or business people do in order to be competitive and stay focused. Unfortunately without their high performance level of course. I also think it has a lot to do with pure bloody frustration as well. I think the visualisation part of it allows me to treat one step much in the same way as I might, a hundred.

All this is pure conjecture at the moment because I'm not quite sure what's going on with me, except that I'm finding myself wanting to live, rather unusually. It could just be the brain has finally worked out how to feed me the correct amount of chemicals needed to live as if I were a normal person. It did used to work ok as far as I remember. 

Whatever the case, I still have my sights set on a car. That's the big one. That's proper independence.

[Noisy]

Hi Interloper,
That's fantastic news! Hope is the best thing to lift my mood and it looks like you've given yourself a big helping. Somehow we end up in this world of negativity and it's great when the clouds break.

Congratulations and long may it continue! 

[interloper]

Thanks Martin, but look how shallow and fickle I really am.

I'm torn between the car and a fine example of a Moog synth I spotted that keep ringing this phrase, over and over, "I know what you're thinking. Hmmm, go ahead and buy me. Go on. You know you want to, you big, bad, retro boy!".

What's an impressionable boy to do? 

 
<- click pics to view full size ->

[Noisy]

Thanks Martin, but look how shallow and fickle I really am.

I'm torn between the car and a fine example of a Moog synth I spotted that keep ringing this phrase, over and over, "I know what you're thinking. Hmmm, go ahead and buy me. Go on. You know you want to, you big, bad, retro boy!".

What's an impressionable boy to do? 

 
<- click pics to view full size ->

I too am a great fan of vintage synths but what will this one do for you? Oh yeah.... it will cause you to stay at home! Hmmm....maybe a Juno 6 would be worth it (I'm biased and it's very flexible) but you know that a car could well help you move forward...... and backwards.

Anyway, soft synths are very advanced these days and sound pretty much identical in the final mix. I say get the car and acquire some soft synths. You'll have way more inspiration for music once you're out and about a bit more.  You know it makes sense!

[interloper]

You're right of course, but I'm always sensible and never friverlous where money is concerned - can't afford to be.

Anyway the bloody thing sold. I am now suffering from Moog Disorder.