hello from portsmouth

[rubbersole]

 hello to brighton anxiety forum,           Im from portsmouth and im a 27 year old male, and found this site whilst browsing the net. I have had problems with anxiety for about 5 years now and have been housebound for most of that time, ive started to go out now but its been a slow journey. Im getting help to get back to work at the moment and its going well but i still get anxious about getting a job and the social aspect of work. For a while ive been toying with idea of moving away and having a fresh start as i feel some of my anxiety has to do with my past here. Ive lived here all my life and now i just feel tired of the place. Brighton is somewhere ive always liked and would consider moving to, can anyone give me any advice about brighton the highs and lows. Sorry to ramble on lol Maybe im being a bit extreme?   

[ems]

Hello , well for me the lows have to be the property prices and just about everything else is perfection 
( bar the usual homelessness/substance abuse etc any city has....)

[rubbersole]

 hi ems,       how are you? Yeah your right every city has its problems part of life i suppose. Whats the work situation like there? Is there a good chance of me finding a job. Sorry to ask you as u may not know lol.     Anyway have you been in brighton long?

[Noisy]

Hi Rubbersole,

You seem to be in a similar situation to me. I've been out of action for about five or six years now and I'm just researching local organisations that can help me get some voluntary work or training. I'm just moving cautiously towards employment. 

Brighton has all kinds of jobs but it doesn't have a lot of traditional manufacturing. I suppose most cities are the same these days. It's all about the service and leisure industries. There are quite a few media companies, though, and some interesting community projects.

What kind of work would you be looking for?

Cheers,
Martin.

[rubbersole]

hi noisy,     

Have u tried the jobcentre? i went there and asked for help getting back to work and they put me on a work prep programme. I found it really helpful for getting back confidence and getting out of the house although im still a bit nervous about going back to work.

 At the moment im not to fussy about what type of work i would do as long as i know id be able to handle it, in the past ive worked in electronics but its not what i really wanna do. To be honest i dont know what i wanna do lol My main interest is music, but due to anxiety ive gone for jobs where i can fade in the backround if that makes any sense.

[Noisy]

Hi Rubbersole,

Sorry that it's taken so long to reply but I've been on a bit of a downer for the last two or three weeks and it's been hard to write.

No, I haven't tried the Job Centre yet. I'm looking into other schemes at the moment and they are probably the same ones anyway. To be honest, I have a fear of visiting the Job Centre. I feel as though they see you as another statistic that they can push, prematurely, back into employment. I don't intend to rely on the state for my income but I equally want to make sure that I'm ready and able to commit to long term employment. How were they with you?

Looks like we have a lot in common. I've worked with electronics before and I've even studied it and sound engineering. My ideal job would be working with electronics AND music. I love tinkering with amplifiers! I play lots of instruments but have never been in a proper band. I could have pushed myself into 'the industry' after I did the sound engineering course but I lacked the confidence I guess. I regret it now because a lot of my classmates now work for TV companies.

I'd love to work at some kind of PA hire company. Doing minor maintanance on equipment with a bit of live sound engineering. I guess that I just want to feel useful and part of something but, like you, I'd find it easier to be in the background. 

Cheers,
Martin.

[rubbersole]

hello again noisy

  sorry to hear youve been feeling rough hope you are feeling better now!! If you wanna chat about it i will lend an ear

  I felt the same way about the jobcentre i didnt want to go that route but it seemed like the only way at the time. Im on the electronics course at the moment and its going well, luckily i have a really understanding tutor who doesnt pressurize me into to doing anything i dont want. Suprisingly the jobcentre have been good to me but i know this isnt always the case. Another option is volunteer work which is good for geting back slowly but the lack of funds is a problem lol.

  yeah im into music too i play the electric and acoustic guitar, not as well as id like to though!. I have always liked drums so id like to get a kit in the future. What instruments do u play??  In april i started a media course at a college in leatherhead but i only lasted two weeks because of my anxiety, looking back i wish i could of stuck with it. Its frustrating sometimes because it feels anxiety can stop from becoming what u really want, but i suppose its all in the mind really mind over matter.
 
 I hope you find the right job, if u have the passion then it should come your way.Anyway what sort of music are u into??

  rubbersole.

[ems]

Hello, I haven't found it too hard to get work - its christmas so everywere is looking for chrismas temps- i started work a few days ago- and it's making me very stressed and emotional- which is normal i tell myself-  i've been in tears at work for the last two days- its a small store with just one other person in it , the manager! who swings from being patient and understanding to snapping 'pull yourself together' its not just you finding it difficult,  i'm capable of working myself down to the bone- but end up doing things very badly, - I'd like to quit now- i have another job- and perhaps if i quit now i might earn less money but do one job well instead of two badly- I just always feel like i'm pushing myself, a little too much.  On my lunch break i was having a sniff in the park and one of those fundraisers came over and started trying too sign me up- part of me was thinking- stop this isn't right- you're upset, you should just go sit somewhere quiet- except for me it's like being in two minds about everything all the time-moving through glue.I'm learning by the time its got to this weepy stage- there really isn't much to do - just have to let it pass- . I don't think the way i feel is particuarly related to wether or not i work- often its just what i have going on in my life, and essentially how supported I feel. Whatever you do find a place where people really love their work, you always find more patience and kindness in these places, which is probably just what you need. I don't know what I' m going to do next - sleep. By the way I was so good in the interview that i got offered the job straight away , aswell as being put forward for assisstant manager- sometimes you never know how things turn out till you give them a go..it doesn't matter if it all goes wrong- most people change jobs every month now anyway .. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   going to sleep , too much drama !

[rubbersole]

 hello ems how are you? hope u had a nice sleep,

      sorry to hear your having a hard time at work, its not worth damaging your health over a job. Your mental well being comes, first its a good idea i think that u go back to one job at least your feel less pressured. What do u suffer from if u dont mind me asking? At the moment i want to get a job that id love doing but i find im so indecisive i dont kow what direction i wanna go in lol. And i know i shouldnt let it, but anxiety always seems to put me off of what i want to do. Your right maybe i should just go for it and see what happens because otherwise ill never know. I want to move to brighton and have a fresh start and at the same time i feel very anxious about it, i feel by moving it will give me a clean slate to rewrite with no drags from the past. hope to hear from u soon!  see ya.         

[Noisy]

........  I felt the same way about the jobcentre i didnt want to go that route but it seemed like the only way at the time. Im on the electronics course at the moment and its going well, luckily i have a really understanding tutor who doesnt pressurize me into to doing anything i dont want. Suprisingly the jobcentre have been good to me but i know this isnt always the case. Another option is volunteer work which is good for geting back slowly but the lack of funds is a problem lol.

  yeah im into music too i play the electric and acoustic guitar, not as well as id like to though!. I have always liked drums so id like to get a kit in the future. What instruments do u play??  In april i started a media course at a college in leatherhead but i only lasted two weeks because of my anxiety, looking back i wish i could of stuck with it. Its frustrating sometimes because it feels anxiety can stop from becoming what u really want, but i suppose its all in the mind really mind over matter.
 
 I hope you find the right job, if u have the passion then it should come your way.Anyway what sort of music are u into??

  rubbersole.

Thanks for your advice. I'm still researching all the agencies that can help with training and voluntary work. I'll post a list of local resources soon for everyone to see. Might be helpful.

I totally relate to the indecision that you mention. I sometimes wish that I could make a choice, stick with it and be confident that I'm doing the right thing.


I play guitar, bass, keyboards and I've been playing drums for about a year now.
I find that my mood really affects the type of music that I listen to. I actually have a hard time defining my musical tastes since they are so diverse. I like Madeleine Peyroux and Slipknot, Drum n' bass and also ambient. I give up! It's almost impossible to explain.
I'm really into electronics and 'hi-fi' so I really enjoy feeling as if 'I'm actually there' by tweaking the innards of my stereo to capture the delicacy of the female voice but also have the power and grunt needed for seismic bass lines. It's a bad addiction that never ends!

Cheers,
Martin.

[rubbersole]

 A good addiction to have

                                        i totally agree with you on being in certain mood and what music you then listen to. Doesnt matter to me about genres anyway whatever sounds good is what matters lol.

   so have you had any luck with trying to get into work? I have just finished my work prep course and now will be getting a job, and i have to say im very nervous and not looking forward to it! I have to do this for myself though and just have to take whatever happens. I was hoping to move to brighton but with this job stuff i cant think clearly at the mo so i`ll have to put it on hold. how have you been? hope things are looking rosy in your garden.

[Noisy]

Hi Rubbersole. I'm glad to hear that you're making progress. Just concentrate on that for the moment buddy. I know that the idea of work can be very stressful. I reckon you did really well to complete the work prep course.

I've just registered with an agency that gets people ready for work. I should be starting that in the new year. It's probably a bit like your work prep. scheme. They give free massages as well, apparently!

Today was my last official day at the Day Hospital but I'll be going back in a few weeks to finish off my clay work. It felt quite emotional to be leaving. I really like the people there and I'd got used to going two or three times a week.

I offered to help a friend with some painting and decorating. I just wanted to see if I could handle a full days work (unpaid). I've always considered myself to be a sociable person but I've found that meeting new people is very problematic. I just feel like a complete retard when I try to talk to people. I'm praying that it will pass as I get out more!

I'm enrolled on a weekly 'mindfullnes' course in January. It's a kind of Buddhist C.B.T. that teaches how to focus only on what is happening right now. The idea of that appeals to me and I hope that it'll be a useful tool to aid my recovery.

I'm going to stay with my relatives this Christmas for the first time in years. I'm nervous about it but also excited.

So ......
I'm pretty topsy turvy at the moment and it's quite stressful but at least I'm moving forward. 

All the best,
Martin.

[ems]

 
    Hi, my problem is  really just a mixture of low self-esteem isolating ymself from things which hurt me instead of dealing with them , and thinking that if I share my weaknessess , I will face public stoning instead of understanding , love and everything which makes being a human beautiful x  I m starting counsilling again , the episode I just had serves as a reminder of what happens if I don't take care of my depression , it spirals down to unfathomable depths.I had a really difficult up bringing, when I look back at where I came from , it sends a shiver up my spine, but I don't see why it needs to dictate my future.

                       Ems x

[rubbersole]

Hi ems,

 I think your right you have to face your feelings and not run away, but sometimes its easier said than done. Especially when your self esteem is low like mine is right now. I also had a difficult upbringing like you and i think it plays a big part in how i feel, yes it shoudlnt dictate our future but it does. I have been reading a lot about the subconscious mind and how it keeps playing the same feelings and thoughts and how it can be reprogrammed by thinking new thoughts to break out of old patterns. Hope your counsilling goes well.

rubbersole.

[Noisy]

Hey Rubbersole!

Are you gonna move down our way? 

All the best,
Martin.