Hello, Im Eli and I just read your message.
I can relate to everything you have said, I experience similar things and I find everything very hard I have to push myself to do things every day but inside I feel isolated,frightened and very depressed. Im 48 tho look younger and my son lives with me hes 18, luckily he understands when I get really anxious and is great, Im lucky.
I have had mild OCD since I was 13 tho thats loads better, its the anxiety and depression that is so debilitating. Like you I find it hard to face going out especially socially, I can do it in the day but find a social thing hard, yet a few years ago I had turned this round and was going a out a lot and though Id cracked it. My spiral downwards was to do with meeting wrong men because I was low and needy and wanted love and care, the more hurt I got the more my self esteem and depression returned. As I write this I feel like crying and I know you will understand its the frustration and feeling of "will I ever feel alright"? I dont want to sound self piteous tho that makes it worse I know and it has driven people away.
I would love to hear back and maybe we can help each other thru this, my email is
eli.ward@tiscali.co.uk. I really understand how you feel but remember your not alone and I send you a hug, best wishes Eli x
